muted

bring on the telecast

having watched "babel" friday night meant that i had seen 3 of the 5 movies nominated this year for best picture. once its credits started rolling i thought that it might be cool to try to catch the other two movies before tonight's telecast of the academy awards. i got on the computer to see if "letters from iwo jima" and "the queen" were still playing this weekend and they were. sweet.

* * *

saturday morning i tell kim of my plan. she's cool with it. there's still a lot of things to be put away in the new apartment but she's a machine when it comes to such matters and i would mostly be in the way. i do bring the few boxes containing my belongings upstairs and any boxes kim empties out to her car.

"letters from iwo jima" is playing in both rockville center and westbury at 4:05pm. rockville center is closer but i'm still a ninny when it comes to parking so i will head to westbury which features a giant parking lot.

i leave the apartment at 3:35 and head for the bank. an old man driving a dirty, white boat of a car beats me to the drive-thru so i park green larry and run inside. at 3:45 i'm on the road again, headed towards the southern state parkway. i'm not sure if there will be much traffic as, although it is a saturday, it's too cold for anyone to be heading towards the beaches. the cars are moving pretty swiftly as i merge onto the parkway so i do one of those pedro martinez points to the sky after a crucial strikeout as a thanks to the man upstairs. only, i guess i'm really just pointing to the tan ceiling of my car. i hope the big man doesn't hold that against me.

traffic starts backing up around exit 21. i guess he did hold it against me. i check my watch and it reads 3:57. i may miss some previews but that doesn't bother me. as i get closer to exit 22N i remember how i would tease gina about the scary merge onto its offramp. "i hope you're not nervous!" i'd say to her as she guided her beetle closer and closer to the exit. "shut up!" she'd playfully throw back at me. with today's traffic, it's going to take some serious skills on my part to make a smooth exit.

i reach 22N and just go for it. no hesitation whatsoever. damn, i'm even better than i thought i was at this whole driving thing.

i've never seen the meadowbrook parkway so backed up at merchants concourse. my watch now reads 4:05. preview time. no biggie.

i finally arrive at loews at 4:15. i park my car in a corner of the lot by itself (that whole parking thing again) and speedwalk into the theater. three old ladies are in line ahead of me.

"i heard that 'letters from iwo jima' is supposed to be real good," one of them says to another.

"i heard that too," the other replies.

"do you want to see it?"

"i guess so."

these ladies have come to the theater without a clear movie purpose. i don't hold it against them as i've done that a enough times back when i used to go to the movies alone in the massachusetts days. yeah, i'm cool.

now the two ladies have to relay their iwo jimian plan to the third lady who is standing away from them, staring off into space (i can surely relate to that!). this doesn't bother me until a ticket person says "next!" and the ladies don't move. then a second ticket person asks for some customers. and a third. i scoot by them, shaking my head and muttering "what the fuck?" to myself. the ticket man smiles at me when i reach his counter. maybe he heard me mutter.

the previews are still playing when i take my seat near the front of the theater. each time the green screen comes up announcing another preview, a man sitting behind me groans his displeasure. i'm fifteen minutes late to the party and the previews are still playing so it makes sense to me that he is quite sick of them at this point.

the man behind me exclaims "finally!" as the logos for the companies behind the production of the movie start flashing on the screen. then the movie begins and we open up on...

a fake music video from 1984? huh. i guess it's possible that the movie starts in kinda present day u.s. and then flashes back to iwo jima. but wait. the band's name is pop. i believe that is the name of hugh grant's band in...

holy shit. this must be "music and lyrics." am i in the wrong theater? i turn around and see lots of confused faces and hear steadily increasing chatter. almost in unison, 80% of us get out of our seats and head for the exit. when we reach the hallway, we all look up at the sign above the theater and it reads "letters from iwo jima." someone definitely messed up here. one of the patrons fetches a theater worker and he tells us that the situation is being rectified. we all head back into the room.

"same seats!" someone yells and i smile.

hey, at least i'll get to watch a few minutes of a movie i'd never want to see - for free! now the fact that all the previews had been for shitty romantic comedies makes a lot more sense.

i'm only subjected to 42 seconds before the screen goes dark. nice. a few minutes later the green screen is back. more previews! the man behind me voices his displeasure but this time curse words accompany each groan. when "lucky you" starring eric bana and drew barrymore is previewed again, i fear he will blow a gasket. he sure comes close.

"letters..." finally starts at 4:40 and i soon realize that sitting so close to the screen when a subtitled movie is playing kinda sucks. it's hard to see what's going on when the words are right in front of your face.

this movie is amazing. i don't even care that it's 2 hours and 20 minutes long. i'm loving every second of it until...

the houselights come on at 6:20 and the swearing and groaning return. i try to keep my focus on the screen but the man behind me won't shut up about the lights. i want to turn to him and say "you're waaaaay more annoying than the lights" but i don't want to get jumped by him and his friend on my way to the parking lot. it ain't safe nowadays.

three minutes later, the screen goes blank. i guess this is the point where everything would have stopped had the movie started on time. the man behind me is ready to kill someone. he doesn't bother me so much, though, since the movie isn't playing at the moment and i'm enjoying listening to everyone complain about this ridiculous experience. i'm smart enough not to leave my seat - someone else will go grab a worker and get this sorted out. after a delay of five minutes, we're back in business.

when the lights come on for good at 7:00, i'm quite satisfied with the movie and the whole extra-ciricular experience might make for a good story. when i exit the room, i see that a sizable line has formed outside our theater. i hear someone who is getting in the line ask "is this for the 7:05 'music and lyrics?' and i smile to myself again.

* * *

today i see "the queen" at the theater in malverne center. i enjoy it way more than i thought i might. helen mirren is incredible. you forget that she's an actress playing a role. the rest of the cast does an excellent job telling a pretty fascinating story. good stuff.

so i think this is the first i've seen all five nominees for best picture. it's definitely the first time i've seen all five before the oscars, that's for sure. it should make for a more enjoyable oscar viewing experience. it definitely makes me a dork who had nothing better to do this weekend.