muted

wrapped

on my way to work yesterday morning i stopped by the old apartment to leave our keys for the landlord. when i pulled onto blossomheath avenue, i parked in one of the metered spaces in front of the building. i grabbed a dime from the plastic trough beneath my parking brake and tried putting good ol' dwight d. into the meter. he put up quite the fight and eventually won when i saw that the meter only accepts thomas j's. in the three years i've lived there, how did i never notice that? oh well. since i had no nickels, i decided that i’d have to risk a ticket and be quick.

as my key entered the downstairs lock, it hit me that this was going to be the last time i ever did this. still quite mindful of the hungry meter, i rushed up the stairs and opened our true apartment door. the place looked so empty and reminded me, of course, of the first time i entered it some three years ago. courtney, who was living with gina in an apartment across the roof at the time, had gotten the key from her landlord and was quite excited to show the place to kim and i. the plan had been for me to move into kim's parents' basement but this opportunity seemed to have fallen from the sky. courtney's excitement quickly transferred to kim and me.

it made me mad that i had not been able to find a nickel thirty seconds earlier as i would have liked a moment to take in the apartment for the last time. it’s probably better that i had been nickelless, though. slowly walking through the apartment and being introspective in regards to the three years bookended by its emptiness probably wouldn’t have been good for me.

maybe it wouldn't have mattered much because the blah returned last night anyway. i noticed as i was watching television with a blank stare through watery eyes.

i need to learn that this is normal, right? everyone gets the blah sometimes, don't they? i just wish there was a way to disconnect the blah switch from the suicide light that blinks red in my mind . i guess it's better that it was blinking last night and not burning steadily bright.

i made a blah playlist around 10:00 pm and proceeded to listen to it in its entirety before going to bed. maybe that wasn’t a good idea.

amy winehouse - back to black (i know i won't shut up about this song but i love it so bite me!)
built to spill - carry the zero
arcade fire - ocean of noise
jen trynin - writing notes
beck - lost cause
blur - no distance left to run
portishead - wandering star
jon brion - eternal sunshine theme
nine inch nails - right where it belongs
coldplay - we never change
eels - elizabeth on the bathroom floor
radiohead - like spinning plates
elliott smith - true love
albert hammond, jr - blue skies
neutral milk hotel - naomi
yeah yeah yeahs - let me know
ani difranco - independence day
pearl jam - come back
quasi - tomorrow you'll hide
strokes - evening sun
turin brakes - panic attack
wilco - at least that's what you said

blah blah blah blah blah.