muted

imagedump

these are photos that i put onto the family computer (i.e. the only computer in this house) but had not posted because they were too similar to previously posted pictures or because i decided they sucked.

now i can delete all my photos from this computer.

to fresh starts...or something.

muthafuckin' kane.
you better ask somebody.

so i guess it was about 3 weeks or so ago that marto and i were driving around the cape and i was taking pictures. when i saw this house/sign i asked marto to stop the car, i got out, walked in front of the house and took this just as someone came out onto the porch...and started performing experiments of a marine biological nature.

yeah.

obsessed.

it could be done before i'm even expected home from work.

guess it's time to find dr. #5.

"i have no idea how this happens..."

so that's a line from the song "you are my face" by wilco. the song is used in a new vw commercial where the owner isn't too keen on handing the keys over to a valet. that line is the only one you hear and it comes right at the end of the commercial so you gotta pay close attention if you wanna catch it.

anyway, the thing is, i do have an idea how this happens. my mind hates me. those four words don't make much sense as a sentence but let me try to explain.

i feel like my mind is working against me just for the fuck of it.

take today.

* * *

i lash out at someone who clearly doesn't deserve it. then i run out of the house because i feel trapped (unrelated to the lashing). when i get into my car, i put elliott smith into the stereo. why would i choose to listen to music that makes me sad on a good day on this day? good quesion, stupid mind.

while driving, i decide i need to stop and get something to drink. as i'm walking around the store looking for some kinda coke product, guess what i hear playing over the loud speaker? billy fuckin' joel. i'm not shitting you. and it's not one of the songs with which i was familiar before moving to new york. nope. it's that fucking brenda and eddie song and i can picture mrs. kutcher bopping along and singing it at that pig roast in her sister's backyard. so now my mind has a partner (whoever's responsible for that song playing during the 85 seconds i'm in the store) and they're laughing at me. great.

when i get back into the car, i just drive and drive and drive and drive down rt. 138. i pass the mini-golf spot that my three high school friends and i used to frequent which means i've never gone this far. i don't care. i'm not ready to go back home.

i have my camera with me but i don't take a single picture which only increases my anger with myself. more than once, tears make an appearance. awesome. thanks, elliott! eventually, 138 becomes too bumpy and cuts through too sketchy an area so i turn around and head home. by the time i pull into the driveway, i've listened to both discs of "new moon." wow.

* * *

i watched the first 8 episodes of dexter today. i bought season one yesterday when i bought the bridge. i absolutely love this show and can't wait to finish the 4 remaining episodes. not only is the story awesome but the way it looks is pretty damn cool too (wow, i should be a professional critic with analysis like that). i think it's a testament to michael c. hall that even after watching him as david fisher for all 5 seasons of six feet under, 30 seconds into the first episode, he becomes dexter to me. that's talent.

i couldn't help feeling sad, though, that i was watching by myself. that wouldn't be the case if i was still in ny. but there's that mind thing again.

oh, and i didn't break that chair...on purpose at least. it disintegrated beneath my keister as i was watching dexter. nice.

saturday

the plan was to take pictures at castle island today but it was way too hot outside for that. i needed to go somewhere with the camera, though, so i hopped in my car and decided to wing it.

i've found myself in a funk of late so i don't understand why i ended up where i did. i really must hate myself.

* * *

"what's this documentary all about?"

oh shit. the newbury comics checkout dude is talking to me. don't stutter.

"some dude set up cameras at the golden gate bridge and recorded for a year and caught a bunch of people jumping to their deaths. then he went and talked to their families."

"whoa, that sounds pretty cool."

"yeah. and morbid."

"oh. morbid as hell. but cool, too. i should check it out."

"yeah."

* * *

so i watched the bridge by myself tonight. the shots of the golden gate bridge were quite breathtaking. the suicides and the stories behind them brought tears to my eyes.

it was definitely weird to be in my own funk while watching people end their lives. plus, i was reminded of the time i visited the bridge back in 2001. things only got weirder at the end - as the names of all 24 jumpers during the year of filming rolled across the screen, a howie day song began to play. of all the artists, howie fuckin' day. not funny.

apparently, more people commit suicide at the golden gate bridge than at any other spot in the world because there's no barrier to guard against it. if i ever go back to san francisco by myself, you'll know why.

aged goo

i was hired as a data analyst at my new job. at my first team meeting, my manager introduced me as "steve, the data guy." as a result, i've acquired the nickname "d.g." and i must hear "heeeey, d.g.!" at least 5 times a day. it's kinda funny, i guess.

i can think of another nickname that would apply to me outside of work. ironically, it's also made up of two words that abbreviate to "d.g." and if you line the words up, near the middle you can find...

korean war memorial - hyannis, ma

funky unphresh

when i tried to set up my turntables in new york, i noticed that my mixer was missing its powersource. a couple of nights ago i was pretty bored so i decided to revisit my turntables hoping that i somehow overlooked the powersource. i also figured that even if it didn't magically appear in the box of records where my mixer had been sleeping for the past couple years, i obviously lost the powersource in this house so maybe i could find it with some good old fashioned perseverance. well, i didn't find the powersource. what i did find, unfortunately, was a drawer that i guess i'd used when i lived here from 11/2000 to 8/2001. in this drawer were old letters, cards and pictures. like the idiot i am, i sat down and went through its entire contents.

the above picture was taken by gina in los angeles in 2001. since i've hated myself for a long time and part of hating yourself is hating how you look, i obviously hated this photo when i first saw it 6 years ago.

but i'm learning that time is a fucked-up thing.

as i looked at this picture now, i came to the sobering realization that the overweight, balding person i find myself today would give anything to look like that now.

go mets.

weekend

i wanted to take pictures this weekend but i wasn't sure where. mom suggested that i head over to the norwood airport and i liked that suggestion. saturday afternoon i grabbed my camera, hopped in the car, blasted some cadence weapon (my current favorite cd) and headed for the airport.

when i got to there, i started to get flashbacks to my childhood. when i was a wee lad, mom would take us kids to the airport for picnics and to watch the planes take off and land (that's what planes do at an airport, see?). i hadn't been there in probably 20 or so years and i remembered it being a lot bigger than i now found it. i guess spaces shrink when we grow, yo.





















































i'm not sure how i feel about the fact that the picture i liked best out of all my airport photos was this one here:



















maybe it doesn't matter that i set out to take airplane pictures. maybe this isn't even a good photo. oh yeah, i have no idea who these people are.

* * *

today was the day of our family barbecue. before the barbecue, i met johnnie and ilana at their apartment and we headed over to the local theater to catch the 1:15 showing of superbad. oh my god, what a funny movie!!! michael cera is my hero!!!!

after the movie, i dropped johnnie and ilana off, told them i'd see them at the bbq and headed home. when i arrived, i was happily surprised to learn that this was more than a barbecue. it was a "welcome home stevie barbecue!!!" my mom waited to have it until this weekend so that christine and ari could attend as they'd been on an extensive camping trip out in the western part of the country when i first moved home. what an awesome surprise this was. it really meant a lot to me and we all had a great day. johnnie even gave me a "welcome back" gift - season one of "beek's creak" on dvd!!! when he told me he'd watch it with me, i almost fainted.













































































































































we played whiffle ball (christine, ari and i vs. frank, frankie, and johnnie). although i didn't hit too well, i did have a lot of fun. the best play i made was fielding a grounder and whipping it to christine at first for an out. i guess all that throwing to first while playing glowball really came in handy!!

all in all, it was an amazing day spent with awesome people who truly made me feel special.

adjustin' & shit