muted

traffic

the traffic was making me angry enough to scream out loud. it wouldn't have been the first time i've done that, either. i thought i was supposed to be more patient now. does a patient person wonder if he can gain enough speed from a complete stop to cut across two coned-off, traffic-inducing lanes and smash into a concrete wall with life-taking force? ironically, the traffic would be key in setting up one of those moments that resonate with you longer than you can explain rationally.

as i began to climb the whitestone bridge, the first crescendo of sigur ros' "milano" floated from my speakers (the 4 minute mark if you're playing along). i looked to my left and saw new york city. i thought about how in 5 days i would say goodbye to everything and everyone i associate with her. i wondered what i was even doing in new york; wondered where i'm supposed to be. thought aboout my family and, with milano as the soundtrack to all this heavy thinking, tears finally fell from my eyes.

here's the thing - it felt so good when those tears hit my cheeks. sure, i was sad and lost but i've also felt less alive lately and to experience that moment really struck me. i was actually a little disappointed when the moment passed.

to think had it not been for the traffic, i would have never experienced it...