muted

473

i drove around today listening to elliott smith which is probably not the best idea when you're feeling like i feel. how exactly am i feeling, you (don't) ask?

- alone.

- like the last three years started as a mistake and have been filled with nothing but mistakes.

- like there's no one to talk to about it (which makes me feel even more alone).

i crossed over blossomheath avenue on foot a couple of times tonight and each time i looked up at the window that used to be theirs. 473 merrick rd, apt 3, i believe. you see, although it certainly feels like it, i know the last three years weren't a wasteland of mistakes because a lot of laughter was shared behind that window. but it feels like forever ago. so many things are different now and there's nothing i can do about it no matter how hard i wish that i could.

one of my biggest shortcomings is that i've never been good with change. let's see how good i am at dealing with change when the change itself is the feeling that i'm more alone than i've ever been.

should be interesting, at least.