muted

someone else (parts 2 & 3)

i enter the door and head straight towards the dryer in which my clothes are tumbling away their dampness. the laundromat is empty save for the attendant sitting in one of the plastic chairs lined up in a row facing the driers. she's a middle-aged woman and i believe her name is jackie. why do i believe this? she also works at stella's beauty salon two doors down from the laundromat. i get my haircut at stella's. does that make me beautiful? nope. it only makes me someone who takes advantage of a "barber shop" within walking distance from my apartment. upon my many visits over the past three years, i've heard stella refer to this woman as jackie so i have good reason to believe that jackie is her name.

she is sitting sideways in her chair, facing the front of the laundromat. as i pass her, i notice that she is knitting.

"it's quiet in here," she says. jackie has always been very friendly to me in our limited beauty shop and laundromat interactions.

"definitely," i cheerfully reply.

"you gotta take advantage. it's not always like this," she says, not turning to face me and continuing to knit.

"oh, i hear that," i reply as i reach my drier.

"how's your little boy?"

at first i'm not sure if i heard her correctly. immediately i begin to worry that my pause will give me away. i desperately do not want her to feel stupid, so i quickly say

"he's good, thanks."

"he's so big!" she says, continuing this conversation. ugh. i have no choice now but to keep this up.

"i know. they grow up so fast." those words leave my mouth before i even know what i'm saying. damn, you're good, i think to myself and smile.

"he's so good, though," are the next set of heartfelt words that come my way.

"thanks!"

there are still 2 and a half minutes left to go before the dryer's clock ticks down to 0:00. i have to get out of here before she has a chance to figure out i'm not who she thinks i am. if she does figure me out, how will i be able to explain myself? it's not possible as far as i can see so i offer up those 150 seconds to the drier gods, open the door, and start unloading my clothes as quickly as i can.

"a lot of kids wouldn't sit like him." ok...she must be referring to a beauty shop customer and his son. perhaps someone named henry.

"i know. i'm very lucky." again, these words fly out of my mouth before i can think twice.

finally, the drier is empty. i pick up my basket and head for the exit. as i rush past jackie i say

"thanks a lot and have a great night."

"you too!" she says.

"thanks!"

"take care!"

"you too!"

whoa.

* * *

probably about a week or so ago, kim quickly ran to blossom's to grab a bottle of diet pepsi for dinner. when she came back, she couldn't wait to tell me what had just happened to her.

"you know that weird guy who hangs around outside blossom's a lot lately?"

"you mean the town drunk? with the blonde crew cut?"

"yes! anyway...apparently he thinks i'm married. and that you're a policeman."

"what?!"

"well, as i was leaving, he asked me how i was doing. so i said 'good' and then he asked me if my husband made any good busts today."

"wait, really?"

"yes! so, i said 'excuse me' and he repeated himself. i decided it would be easier to go along with him so i said 'nah, not today.'"

"shut up!"

"then he said 'any parking tickets?' and i said 'just a couple.'"

"whoa!"

"then he turns to the lady behind the counter and says 'her husband's a lynbrook cop.' good thing it was one of the newer ladies who isn't familiar with me or else she might have said 'no he isn't.' that would have been awkward. so i told him to have a good night. and then i walked a little faster than usual out the door, across blossomheath and into the apartment."

"you're kidding me."

"no. this really all happened just now."

"that's crazy!"

"i know!"

* * *

i think it's kinda funny that in both instances, kim and i decided it was better to go along with the whole mistaken identity thing.