muted

take four

"hello, steven. dr. paul ______," he says, with an outstretched hand.

"nice to meet you," i offer as i shake his hand.

"come on in."

i'm always a little nervous when re-starting therapy because meeting new people has never been an easy exercise for me. i'm extra nervous this time as the three therapists i've seen since mark's ultimatum 7.5 years ago have been females. i don't know, maybe this change will be good for me.

"where should i sit?" i timidly ask upon entering his office.

"well, this one's mine," he says, pointing to the chair next to the door. "you can choose from any of the others."

i don't want to sit on the couch directly across from his chair so i choose a smaller chair to its left.

"before we get started, i'll need you to fill out some paperwork."

"that's cool."

"so, i called your insurance and...well, they blew my mind."

"really?" i ask, raising my left eyebrow while lowering my right.

"yes. i've never heard of a plan like yours."

"really?"

"according to the person i spoke to, you have no copay and an unlimited number of visits per year."

"whoa."

"it seems too good to be true."

"definitely."

"i asked her to double-check and unless she was reading someone else's line, that's what we have to work with."

"cool."

* * *

"so, we're just about out of time. i have to ask you one last question."

"ok."

"what did you think of this experience? you're not a therapy rookie so...did you feel comfortable? was there anything you didn't like? anything you'd change?"

"well, i did feel comfortable. i've had all these thoughts for a while now and it felt really good to get them out without worrying about any damage they might do once words left my mouth. i'd like to do it again...if that's cool."

"ok. well, since your plan is amazing as it is, i'd like to try to meet twice a week. how do you feel about that?"

"well...do you think you could check one more time to make sure the plan is as good as they said? i don't want to..."

"how about we both check?"

"i will do that."

"it's obvious we have a lot to work through and i want to start getting into it more intensely. since there appear to be no worries financially, i think it would be very beneficial to meet twice a week."

"cool."

"so...thursday at 6:20 pm?"

"sounds good. see you then."