muted

"it won't give up. it wants me dead.
goddamn this noise inside my head."

you know what's cool?

having to go to the bathroom at work to relieve yourself...of mad tears.

pretending you weren't just bawling your eyes out once you leave the bathroom is a fun game, too.

i wish "quietus," the suicide pill featured in children of men, was real.


* * *

august 28, 2003

hey steve...

how are you doing? are you lonely without kimmie? even though she has gina & i, kim is lonely without you... i can tell...she really loves you...

i just wanted to tell you that i think it's awesome that you're trying to move to new york... i understand that you might be a little intimidated by the extreme change in location, but i really think you'll get used to it quickly...

i don't know why, but i feel that you're gonna be successful in finding a job down here... i don't know if that little piece of information is comforting or motivating, but i just have a feeling...

just remember, you've already got 3 friends & your "lover", who are ready and willing to help you adjust and feel comfortable...

i just wanted to let you know that i look forward to you moving down here... (mr. bojangles will be so happy!!) just take it one day at a time and try not to get too stressed out...

IT'S GONNA HAPPEN!!

~~courtney~~

excuse me while i clean the vomit off of my monitor and keyboard.