10.18.2007
what now?
the excitement leading up to vermont and the awesomeness that became vermont have passed and i feel lost again. i'm not sure what there is to look forward to now.
before vermont, i thought that visiting drew and maybe stopping by the old apartment on the way back to massachusetts would make for a cool weekend. kim said i could take the computer that we shared since she has a laptop now but there was no room for it in the car when i moved. i could definitely use that computer in canton right now. plus it would be good to laugh with them again.
but after vermont...
seeing kim was great. i cannot stress that enough. a few minutes after i arrived, it already felt like old times with all the laughing and joking. what a relief.
but saying goodbye again...damn.
on sunday, we shared a moment after everyone left that i'll never forget. i hopped into the good ol' passenger seat of the versa (missed ya, buddy!) and we drove to the tractors we had passed on the way to the stone quarry one day earlier. when we arrived, we got out, walked around and i took some pictures. then we got in the car to return to the house. that's when the sadness i was already feeling due to the weekend wind-down started to multiply. "usually i'd snooze off and on in this very seat on the way back to ny but now i have to get out, get into my own car and drive home alone." i was going to tell kim how i was feeling but i decided not to because my sadness has had enough of a negative impact on her life already. so i kept it to myself…until now, i guess. sorry.
when i got into my car to begin the drive home, the sadness was suffocating. the end of a vermont trip is always a little sad, but this was different. i thought i had seen waters in kim's eyes when we hugged goodbye but i wasn't positive. there were certainly waters in mine. i thought about how out of everyone who visited vermont, kim and i were the only ones who drove alone. thinking about her driving back to ny by herself was too much to take...but then i had a mini-epiphany.
"it's not as sad as it all seems to you right now if she is happier than she used to be."
i don't know if she is happier than she used to be, but i hope that she is because she truly deserves to be.
and if she is, that's all that really matters.
but i don't think i'm ready to visit ny just yet.
the excitement leading up to vermont and the awesomeness that became vermont have passed and i feel lost again. i'm not sure what there is to look forward to now.
before vermont, i thought that visiting drew and maybe stopping by the old apartment on the way back to massachusetts would make for a cool weekend. kim said i could take the computer that we shared since she has a laptop now but there was no room for it in the car when i moved. i could definitely use that computer in canton right now. plus it would be good to laugh with them again.
but after vermont...
seeing kim was great. i cannot stress that enough. a few minutes after i arrived, it already felt like old times with all the laughing and joking. what a relief.
but saying goodbye again...damn.
on sunday, we shared a moment after everyone left that i'll never forget. i hopped into the good ol' passenger seat of the versa (missed ya, buddy!) and we drove to the tractors we had passed on the way to the stone quarry one day earlier. when we arrived, we got out, walked around and i took some pictures. then we got in the car to return to the house. that's when the sadness i was already feeling due to the weekend wind-down started to multiply. "usually i'd snooze off and on in this very seat on the way back to ny but now i have to get out, get into my own car and drive home alone." i was going to tell kim how i was feeling but i decided not to because my sadness has had enough of a negative impact on her life already. so i kept it to myself…until now, i guess. sorry.
when i got into my car to begin the drive home, the sadness was suffocating. the end of a vermont trip is always a little sad, but this was different. i thought i had seen waters in kim's eyes when we hugged goodbye but i wasn't positive. there were certainly waters in mine. i thought about how out of everyone who visited vermont, kim and i were the only ones who drove alone. thinking about her driving back to ny by herself was too much to take...but then i had a mini-epiphany.
"it's not as sad as it all seems to you right now if she is happier than she used to be."
i don't know if she is happier than she used to be, but i hope that she is because she truly deserves to be.
and if she is, that's all that really matters.
but i don't think i'm ready to visit ny just yet.
