muted

settle down, class. settle down.

six weeks ago in a blazingly hot, un-air-conditioned randolph high classroom, i spent 6 hours taking the reading, writing and math 09 mtels (massachusetts tests for educator licensure).

i didn't want to tell many people that i was taking these tests as i was afraid i would not pass. i had purchased a study guide for the math 09 test (high school math including calculus, trignometry and probability) and between the guide and the practice tests i'd seen on-line i was scared poopless. my most recent trip down high school math memory lane had been a failure as i did not do well enough on a practice SAT late last year to land a tutoring gig. my confidence was more than shot. i hadn't studied any of this stuff in at least 10 years.

whenever anyone learned i was taking these tests, the response would invariably be "oh, you'll have no trouble." but i knew better. i would need to study my butt off to have a chance at this math test.

so study is what i did.

last friday i got my unofficial scores online. for each test i "met the qualifying score." phew!!

the next day i got the official scores in the mail. since i passed, i didn't get a number score but i did receive a breakdown of my performance on each section of each test. and to my surprise, i aced every section of the math test, including the two open response questions. i actually did better on the math than i did on the reading and writing. i was more proud than i've been in longer than i can remember.

but now i'm a little scared too. i guess the next step is to apply for my preliminary license which shouldn't be a problem now that i've passed my mtels. in theory, once i have that license i could land a teaching job. but to greater my chances, i probably should enroll in a teaching course or two starting some time in early 2009.

for so long teaching just seemed like a pie-in-the-sky idea for me; an alternative to the cubemonkey lifestyle i've loathed for close to ten years.

but now it actually seems attainable and it scares me.

what if i spend all this time and money and i turn out to be no good at it?

ugh.